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Daily Poll
August 8, 2007 - hawt! Poll Talking Points,hawtest ever, Brooklyn tornado, Virgin delivery to the other Stephen, research assistance provided by analysts The Lake Effect & WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBear Summer record temperatures yet again, Mormons skinny dipping in Salt Lake, and a tornado in Brooklyn have obviously been caused by: Global warming. Troops cheering for the tax-paid evangelists' shows led by Stephen Baldwin. Daily virgin deliveries to sodomites in Hollywood. Al Gore manipulating the clouds & Sun with his gas-hog jet. Terrorists attacking Santa in the North Pole. August 7, 2007 Poll Talking Points, FBI tube raid - research funding provided in part by the Tube Foundation US domestic flight delays are the worst in 13 years. This was caused by: FBI agents clogging the tubes at Ted Stevens' wikilobbyist-funded Alaskan flight control center. Democrat Presidential candidates flying to photo ops. Terrorists trying to board planes. Al Qaeda hiding in the luggage. Bill Clinton's restrictions on airline mergers. August 6, 2007 Tube collapse causes poll shutdown. August 5, 2007 - Bible Daily Poll Talking Points, Wall Street Bibleprovided by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Sunday newspapers are now allowing bible inserts (New Testatment only, of course). Future innovations for the Lord should include: Stock quotes for churches. More business news about bible printers. Advice columns filled with abortion advice from Jesus. A comics page filled with Jesus, Rupert Murdoch as Batman, Garfield, and evolution jokes. Economic forecasts replaced with the complete Revelations. August 4, 2007 - Stop Saturday Sex Poll Talking Points, New Commandments, Faith provided by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Horny psychologists at the University of Texas claim they found 237 reasons to have sex. Fortunately, Bush's Faith-Based Initiatives Director got input from the Pope, Mark Foley, and David Vitter, reducing the list to the 10 Commandments of Sex, including: To satisfy honeymoon consummation requirements. To make babies. To get closer to God through alter boys. To help the husband feel good about himself. To help children learn how to use rulers. August 3, 2007 - Post-Lunch Trauma Poll Talking Points provided by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer The liberal media disguising itself as the "press" claims at least 116 suicides in Iraq. What they don't report is: The number of suicides of troops that were forced to stop liberating. Jesus requested they give a war report in person. The soldiers hear what Harry Reid is doing and are despondent. They want to tell Jesus how well the Operation is going. Hillary Clinton is asking for more than photo-ops. August 1, 2007 Poll Talking Points provided by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Michael Savage, well known for his expertise on everything, revealed his discovery that Democrats were behind Chief Justice John Roberts' seizure. Demoncrats are also behind: Ann Coulter's adam's apple and lack of children. Rush Limbaugh's "enthusiasm" for sodomite drugs. Bush's dog Barney's digestive problems. Dick Cheney's sudden outbursts of immoral language. July 31, 2007 Poll Research, Music, & Game provided by WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Soldiers keep dying and fewer keep joining. How is President Bush's surge supposed succeed if they have to provide funerals more than once a month? Outsource it to KBR. Let Hillary Clinton fund individual funerals with her campaign photo-ops. Spend more time playing Wikiality's Army Recruitment game. Use electronics to play bugles instead of relying on gay troops to blow them. July 30, 2007 Poll Research provided by WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Today, Chief Justice John Roberts of the Supremest Court had a seizure. Doctors are trying to use their biology "theories" to help him. What they need to know is: He's a witch. He was so happy to see the Supreme Court recognized yesterday on the Daily Poll, he had a Colgasm. He's possessed and requires bibles placed near his head. He needs a Baptist revival. July 29, 2007 - post Bible study fun *Poll Talking Points, 2, 3, 4, 5 Do you wonder why Bush & Gonzales don't use the Supreme Court more? They do a heckuva job and deserve heroic recognition for their best legal rulings: Bong Hits 4 Jesus - free speech 4 students of Jesus. Only President Bush & Rummy decider what torture truly is. Atheists are not faith-based charities. Companies can partner to protect fair & balanced consumer prices. School segregation makes the Constitution happy. July 28, 2007 Poll staffers enjoying the lovely hot summer Sun. Take that Al Gore! July 27, 2007 - evening market report Poll Trading Points The stock markets had there biggest weekly losses in 5 years. This has nothing to do with: High debt levels to pay for the Global War on Terror. Destruction of wealth & property in the UK floods. The excellent progress of Operation Iraqi Freedom over the past 4 years. Halliburton moving its headquarters to the Persian Gulf. Improved factual accuracy expected when Rupert Murdoch owns Dow Jones. July 27, 2007 - morning weather report Poll Talking Points Al Gore joined the media's gay dance with reports that the UK is having huge floods and parts of Europe are having record high temperatures. Does President Bush need to: Hire him as the new EPA director? Congratulate him before Gore makes another movie? Arrest him as an enemy combatant on charges of trying to blow up God's green Earth? Tell Tony Snow to blame Gore for hating Europe as much as he hates America? July 25, 2007 Poll Talking Points Today, the liberal media danced like homosexuals because Attorney General Alberto Gonzales lied to Congress and they thought they were going to send him to prison. Should he: Have Dick Cheney tell them to fuck off. Have George W. Bush commute the sentence in advance. Have the Supreme Court rule that Congress has no power over the Attorney General. Move to Dubai and become Halliburton's corporate lawyer. July 24, 2007 *Poll Talking Points Democrats are near passing a bill that would put a much higher tax on cigarettes and use the money for health care for children. The best option is: Pray that they can't override President Bush's veto. Start wikilobbying. Have Rush Limbaugh give them radio time and a cigar. Relocate with Halliburton to Dubai where there are no taxes and lots of cigs. July 23, 2007 Poll Talking Points - includes receiptless voting - vote often! Good god, scientists are actually rewarding "artists" for making cartoons that support their "theories". This proves that: Scientists are trying to better educate the public via fun and beauty. Scientists have diverted funding from President Bush's faith-based church programs. Scientists have no interest in baby and bomb technology. Scientists have no interest in reality. Scientists are actually Hollywood sodomites. Archives Poll Archives __NOEDITSECTION__